Bomb
Story by Doug Hawley
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Two tough men walk into a bar separately. Other than them, the bar is empty. The pretty tough one says to the ugly tough one “Nobody else here, want to have a drink with me?”
“Sure.”
“Pleased to meet you. I’m the super secret British agent Bomb, Jimmy Bomb, but both my friends and enemies call me Jimbo. Don’t tell anyone else about my secret identity. You’re the only one to whom I’ve revealed my identity, at least today.”
“I’m Ivan Dreck, the super villain. Let me buy us some drinks. Barman, get us five bottles of Thunderbird Ripple and a quart of Tang for my new friend and myself.”
“I can’t tell you about my Secret Service exploits such as the time I boiled Ricardo Vanilli in olive oil and fed him to his family, but maybe you can tell me about your worst acts”.
“I invented rap music and the mobile phone.”
“OK, I understand about rap, but what’s so bad about mobiles?”
“Ever been stuck in a room with someone explaining his proctology report over his mobile?”
“OK, I get it. By the way, I poisoned your drink.”
“That’s OK, I switched it.”
“But I also switched it a number of times.”
“So who was poisoned?”
“Don’t know, lost track.”
Later, Dreck wakes up in bed with Bomb spooning him.
“What the hell, I thought that you poisoned the drink. And aren’t you supposed to bed the voluptuous, but evil Pooh Denda.”
“OK a lied a little; it wasn’t poison, it was a roofie. You must have watched my movies in a straight theatre. If you had seen, say, “Her Majesty Got Served” in San Francisco, you would have seen that I swing a number of ways. I played the queen in that one. In “Jaws, Back To The Beach” I played Bruce The Shark. ”
Dreck rolls over for a closer look at Bomb. “I can see why you never made any X rated movies.”
Coming to Theatres Soon Thunder Balls.
Doug is a former actuary who took up writing as a hobby. He lives with editor Sharon and cat Kitzhaber.
Orginally appeared in Dirty Pool (hiatus) and Short Humour, Haven, and Written Tales 1.0