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You vowed never to leave me, and I believed you.
I go back there sometimes, to the place you left me. The trees are taller, but the rest remains the same. The only element missing is you.
Do you remember back then? Back when you made promises in the grass as we watched the dandelions sprout out. Yellow for now. White later.
It doesn't matter how many times I walk the path our feet made, the same scene replays in my mind. It used to be my favorite home movie; now, it's nothing more than a nightmare that time can't weaken.
I can still hear the gravel crunching under my sandals. I turned so hard that it left streaks in the rocks. There wasn't time to worry about giving our location away.
I ran to you, ignoring the unlevel ground as I passed through the damp soil under the trees. The world changed the moment I broke through the tree line. It was a whole new world where we were safe, where we could be together.
You'd be waiting in the clearing, a cigarette dangling from your lips like the poster child for the bad boy. I knew your secret; you hated the taste, but it angered your parents, so you refused to stop.
So sinfully beautiful in all the worst ways.
I still dream about the way your arms wrapped around me. What about you? Do you think about me?
There are days when I hope you do and others when I pray you don't.
I don't know which today falls under.
I can still see myself pushing up the fabric of your flannel shirt. Ugly bruises, the darkest shade of purple, raining down your side. They were why I had run to see you, ignoring that voice in my head telling me to wait until it was safe. Everyone at Sunny Point had heard your dad the night before. That man's voice was like a cannon. It's one of the few things I'll never forget about him.
I'll never understand how a man could hate his own blood so much. I know your mom made excuses for him, but I hope you know that you never deserved that kind of pain. No child does.
What really bothers me is that you were always there, waiting just outside my window, when I fought with my parents, but you never let me do the same for you. You wanted to hide your pain like it would save me somehow.
It didn't.
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