Nobody

Poem by W Roger Carlisle

This poem explores the struggle of feeling powerless over who we are. The speaker tries to shape their own identity but feels trapped by the past, pulled by unseen forces that decide their path. If you enjoy this feature and would like to see more, let me know with a comment, 💌 share, ♥️ like, or better yet, a 🔄 restack!

Photo by Christian Liebel on Unsplash

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I don’t have power over my life.
I can’t give myself a new personality
out of nothing.

Lost days carve their own shape into me,
leaving grooves where I
want smooth edges,

pulling at strings I didn’t know I had.
I didn’t know the names of the colors
I wanted to wear,

only that my wardrobe felt
like it belonged to someone else.
Like a hand-me-down life.

I try to stitch new patterns
onto old cloth, but the seams always show.
There was a rhythm in being carried.

A freedom in not knowing who I was or where I was going.
It let me drift, allowed me to meet the strangers inside my own skin,
listen leisurely to their stories, befriend their voices.

Every time I thought I had found the real me,
he slipped away again, changing my music, my thoughts,
my laugh, before I could memorize the sound.

But perhaps that’s the trick.
To let go of the idea that I must
be one thing or another.

Accept that I am made of shifting sands,
that the wind will always blow, that maybe,
it's okay not to hold the reins.

I could never conjure a new self from thin air,
but I could learn to be the kaleidoscope—fragmented,
ever-changing, beautiful reality that I am.

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W Roger Carlisle is a 79-year-old, semi-retired physician. He currently volunteers and works in a free medical clinic for impoverished patients. He is on a journey of returning home to better understand himself through poetry. He hopes he is becoming more humble in the process.